I live in a red state, red town and a red golf community—a neighborhood so Republican that if votes for Democrats reach double digits in our precinct, an investigation of ballot box stuffing in launched.

My place abode is the choice of a golf addict. But as a result of age, summer heat and a shrinking retirement fund, I have begun my journey on the road to recovery. I plan to only play a “social round” now and then, hoping that the feel of a golf club in my hands will not trigger the addiction. However, based on the painful consequences of experimenting with “social drinking” before I got sober four decades ago, I’m probably overly optimistic about this attempt at controlled golfing.

Actually, I will miss playing regular rounds with Republican friends. Like most golfers, they are good guys—simply misguided in their politics. And I can understand why. They have obviously fallen under the influence of Fox “News.” I find evidence of Fox’s influence on the three days a week that I workout at our fitness center. When I arrive, the television set is invariably tuned to the Republican propaganda network. Being a nice guy, I don’t reach for the remote to change channels. Besides, some of the Fox fans lifting weights are younger, bigger and stronger than me. 

So I get a peek at Fox droppings. Like passing the proverbial highway accident, I can’t help but look at the screen. Sometimes, its pretty sickening, even though my gag reflex was conditioned years ago as an on-the-scene blood and guts radio reporter who once stumbled on a severed leg while walking toward a car crash.

This morning my stomach was challenged by Fox contributor Michelle Malkin. I can only surmise by her ranting that momma Malkin was traumatized by a gang of liberal Democrats during pregancy. Daughter Michelle has never met a Democrat she liked. But what the hell? It’s a free country. Therefore, I ?respect? her freedom to distort, as well as Fox’s entitlement to exploit viewers under the banner of presenting “fair and balanced” news coverage.  

What I can’t figure out is why seemingly intelligent people bother to watch. The seem to be choosing ignorance over reality. After all, my neighborhood is not populated by dummies. Most are smart enough to have succeeded in business and the professions. Some read newspapers. I have deduced this because on alternate days my wife and I walk a couple of miles through the community and see local papers in a few driveways. Not many. I guess the subscribers are the folks that raise our precinct vote for Democrats to ten.

My Louisiana neighborhood is not much different than most southern upscale communities (I hate that term because it demeans my redneckedness, a word I made up to compete with Sarah Palin’s contribution to the dictionary for the dumb).

Indeed, prior to returning to Louisiana after a decade as CNN’s senior muckraker, I lived in a gated Georgia golf community where I first began the quest to extend my life span a few minutes by regularly visiting a fitness center. It was my introduction to an early morning dose of Fox “News.” 

I quickly learned that neighbors considered Fox reliable. In fact, many believed former disc jockey Rush Limbaugh was a fountain of political wisdom. Glenn Beck had not yet been released from his straight-jacket.   

Although they were politically misguided, I became so comfortable with the Republican friends in my Georgia neighborhood that I nervously came out of the closet. Despite my trepidation that I would be shunned and/or banished from the community, I was accepted just like a regular person—maybe as a curiosity since I may have been the only Democrat some of my acquaintances ever encountered at close range.

My heroic declaration of tilting left prompted others with similar political views to invite me to a local meeting of Democrats. We secretly gathered in the booth of a Waffle House and shared stories about hiding copies of the New York Times and other subversive material from Republicans. Based on my acceptance, I was able to assure these new friends there was no longer a need to wear paper sacks over their heads if exposed.

Today is the Republican primary run-off in Georgia and I’m certain the lonely Democrats I left behind are rooting for Sarah Palin to influence the outcome. She campaigned in Georgia yesterday for the state’s former Secretary of State Karen Handel, who is the Tea Party supported candidate. Handel holds a narrow lead over former Congressman Nathan Deal. A victory by Handel is expected to ease the way for former Governor Roy Barnes to return to office. The two-term Democrat faces a tougher battle against Deal, who has the support of nutty Newt Gingrich.

If Barnes does eventually win, I may have to piss off neighbors by grabbing the TV remote at the Fitness Center and changing stations. Regardless of past conditioning, I don’t think my gag reflex is strong enough to withstand the spin Fox “News” will put on the election. 

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, is available at amazon.com and independent bookstores. It offers much more than $19.99 worth of laughs. The book is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) career.