The Republican comedy troupe has no joint appearances until next week. But individually during the interim, several of the clowns are performing in various venues. The most popular act in recent days is Herman Cain’s constantly changing explanation of one of his 1990’s “jokes” while President of the National Restaurant Association—a costly witticism that resulted in sexual harrassment allegations by two women, who failed to appreciate Cain’s Clarence Thomas impression.

The restaurant association paid the women tens of thousands of dollars to keep quiet about the incidents. However, a confidentiality clause may soon be waived. As the GOP’s leading comedian to date, it will probably be something like, “I got your pizza right here, baby. Just kidding.”

Apathy was my initial reaction to the sexual harrassment story, which was first disclosed by Politico. Cain’s campaign is based on gaffes and stumbles. But as CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin points out, the guy is a viable presidential candidate and there is no such thing as overkill. At least in the collective eyes of the media and CNN in particular. My former employers should adopt the slogan, “We never let go of anybody’s tale.”

As usual, Cain apologists are blaming the liberal media, though he is getting beat up badly by Fox “News,” aka the Republican Propaganda Network. Pillhead Rush Limbaugh must have popped a few extra Oxycontin causing him to go off on a rant comparing Cain’s problems to the attacks on Clarence Thomas. Careful, Rush.  The small balls of then Senator Joe Biden is the only reason Justice Thomas escaped with his Supreme Court robe assured. As Chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, Biden refused to call witnesses who would have reinforced Anita Hill’s claim of being harrassed by Thomas when he headed a federal agency.

It’s hard to predict the overall impact of the sexual harrassment allegations on Cain’s campaign. He claims money is flowing in. Maybe the tea partiers will present him with a medal. And for sure, Rick Perry will say something stupid to divert attention from Cain. In reality, neither Cain, Perry, nor the other fringe candidates have much of a chance of being nominated. Congratulations, Mitt.

Although fringe candidates have been around for most of our country’s history, there have never been so many with so many problems and so little prospects. Serial adulter Newt Gingrich is the show-off of the crowd. Michele Bachmann plays the role of dumb brunete. Rick Santorum likes to bare his teeth, but doesn’t bite. Ron Paul is the crazy uncle from the basement and John Huntsman tells fart jokes. We need to have GOP debates nightly.

I’ve had my own experience with the fringe—directly and indirectly. In 1981, a Lyndon Larouche “newspaper” compared me to Edward R. Murrow and I was tempted to the publication—not that I have anything against the legendary CBS newsman. But praise from Larouche was the equivalent of libel. Like having Osama Bin Laden include me in his Will and last testament. I earned plaudits from the Larouche folks for an ABC documentary in which I exposed their worst enemy—the law.

More precisely, an ABC Close Up report titled When Crime Pays criticized federal and state prosecutors, who make corrupt deals with witnesses by promising excessive inducements in return for testimony. It is supposed to be a system of the bad testifying against the badder. But sometimes, it’s vice versa. The worst get sentences cut or receive other incentives as a reward.

For readers who don’t have the time or inclination to google Lyndon Larouche, I offer a quickie. He was a seven time fringe candidate for the presidential nomination, running as a Democrat. Republicans can take solace in the fact that their party does not hold an exclusive franchise on nutty candidates. However, Sarah Palin in 2008 and Herman Cain, et al, in the current cycle gives the GOP a leg up on nuttiness. Although Cain’s 999 is a simplistic and regressive policy, it falls short of Larouche’s economic proposal to colonize Mars by 2027—a plan he outlined in a thirty minute network political commercial during one of his pre-prison campaigns.

I won’t bore readers by repeating my experiences with Ross Perot. Suffice to say that spending time with the billionaire Texan was more painful than multiple root canals performed from the rear by a proctologist.

Anyway, my metaphors are becoming too graphic. I leave you now to celebrate by birthday by joining my daughers for lunch.

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger: A Saga of Exposing TV Preachers, Corrupt Politicians, Right-Wing Lunatics…and Me is available at amazon.com, soft-cover or Kindle and at independent bookstores like the Cottonwood in Baton Rouge. It offers $19.99 worth of laughs and much more. The book is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) investigative reporting career. jblisscamp@aol.com.