It’s that time a year again when part time Christians whine about Christ being taken out of Christmas. Where are these folks the rest of the year? With a few exceptions, the “Christian” right has been absent while Democrats attempt to chase the money changers from the temples of Wall Street and/or offer crumbs to the downtrodden.

Texas Governor Rick Perry proclaims himself to be a Christian in his infamous television commercial promising to block gays from openly serving in the military, return prayer to public schools (as if it ever left), and restore the nation to its Christian roots. I realize that Governor Perry represents the brain-addled segment of evangelicals, a group led by his Baptist buddy, the Reverend Robert Jeffress who described Mormons as a “cult” in expressing doubts about Mitt Romney’s spiritual qualification to be President. Perry disavowed the “cult” label, displaying instead  his ignorance of statements included in a Romney book. But give him a break. After all, C-average Perry is a graduate of Texas A&M. And besides, he now has a smart guy around to pry his foot from his mouth.

Louisiana Governor Bobby (Smarty Pants) Jindal—an Ivy League educated Rhodes Scholar—added some more Frequent Flyer miles to his trove by arriving in Iowa to help Perry. Almost immediately, Governor Smarty Pants had to interrupt Perry when he mischaracterized an element of the tax reform plan he plans to implement in the unlikely event, God forbid, he were elected President.

The Christian brotherhood of Jindal and Perry falls into the odd couple category—bright and dim, Catholic and fundamentalist Protestant, a man of color and redneck farm boy. The spiritual glue that binds them together is apparently the willingness of both Governors to exploit religion for political benefit. Perry produces political commercials professing his faith. And when not stalking network television cameras for a little face time, Jindal travels around Louisiana visiting churches to proclaim his Christian beliefs and secure votes from congregations that are certain the nation is hell bound.

Perry, Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum pretty much run neck-and-neck in the ”I’m the best Christian” competition. At least the two Mormons, Romney and Jon Huntsman remain relatively silent on religious issues. They’ve done their good deeds serving as missionaries in faraway lands. Ron Paul? Who the hell knows? He belongs to the church of Ayn Rand. And Buddy Roemer? Buddy the Methodist is still out there in the wilderness.

Finally, there is the Jimmy Swaggart of the presidential race. Newt Gingrich is “the forgiven.” Like the infamous television evangelist, Newt had his tear-stained “I have sinned against you my Lord.” And also like Brother Jimmy, serial adulterer Gingrich sinned again and again.

I don’t mean to sound like a heathen in my criticism of Republican situational Christians. Nearly every Sunday morning, I show up at a little Presbyterian church to worship God as I understand him. Indeed, I’ve read the Bible cover-to-cover more than once. Based on what I hear from the GOP and many of their supporters—hey, tea partiers, I’m talking about you—I wonder if sections of my Bibles have been deleted. Especially the New Testament.

Ironically, the resurrection of Newt Gingrich is a reminder of my CNN reporting on the bogus Whitewater scandal a decade and a half ago—the $70-million political farce orchestrated by Kenneth Starr, the religious fundamentalist who could not distinguish between sin and crime. It was an era in which Republicans led by House Speaker Gingrich abandoned any semblance of a conscience.

In a political environment similar to the current GOP strategy of “defeat President Obama at any cost,” opponents of Bill Clinton took the low road, aligning themselves with the “Christian” right and the late Reverend Jerry Falwell. As I wrote in my non-best selling memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, Falwell was the primary promoter of the most un-Christian documentary I can recall seeing.

The Clinton Chronicles was an idiot’s guide to character assassination. It featured a cast of right-wing characters who made the 2004 “Swift Boat” attacks on Democratic Presidential candidate John Kerry’s military record seem like a tribute. Vigorously promoted by the late Jerry Falwell, the so-called documentary was a forum for the crackpot fantasies of a former Arkansas segregationist judge, a low-ranking ex-Arkansas state employee, a loopy former congressman, and a hodgepodge of drooling characters unable to discern truth from fiction―as if they cared.

I know it’s customary to say something nice about the dearly departed. But based on pre-Whitewater encounters with the Reverend Jerry Falwell―a topic for a later chapter―I have to rely on the cliché, “He didn’t seem to sweat a lot for a fat man.” Watching the jowly TV preacher bear false witness for the benefit of his disbanded Moral Majority and brainwashed Rush Limbaugh malcontents, I wondered what Jesus would do―WWJD? If Jerry arrived at his hoped for Heavenly home, an entry surely requiring generous dispensation, he probably knows what Jesus would not do, WJWND. He would not lend His name to smears by harebrained lunatics in $34.95 DVD’s.

So 17 years later, here we are again—candidates and supporters posing as Christians for political gain. And an occasional leader of the pack is Newt Gingrich, the man who brought congressional gridlock to the American people.

What we need is a Muslim President. Oh, I forgot. Just joking

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger: A Saga of Exposing TV Preachers, Corrupt Politicians, Right-Wing Lunatics…and Me is available at amazon.com, soft-cover or Kindle and at independent bookstores like the Cottonwood in Baton Rouge. It offers $19.99 worth of laughs and much more. The book is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) investigative reporting career. jblisscamp@aol.com.