In the next few days, Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney is expected to name Donald Trump to lead a fundraising group comprised of clowns. Announcement of the appointment is being delayed until Trump provides the campaign with a Certificate of Sanity from an accredited lunatic asylum. The document will be inspected to ensure it is not a forgery.
The Donald jumped the gun in his clown quest Tuesday during a CNN interview by dazzling Wolf Blitzer with half-wit behavior on behalf of the nation’s birthers.
Although Trump’s act ias a distraction from Mitt Romney clinching the Republican nomination on Tuesday, the candidate is unperturbed by the billionaire’s comments questioning President Obama’s birthplace. “I need 50.1% of the votes to be elected,” Romney said. “And clowns are people. Just like corporations, except corporations are richer.”
Romney points out that no principle is are worth upholding when it comes to getting elected. Besides, he can change his mind after ballots are cast. Or even tomorrow if the winds shift. He has done it before and will do it again many times over if he has to. Romney’s believes he doesn’t have to agree with positions of his supporters, so long as they are able to sign checks.
Indeed, conservative pundit and New York Times columnist Ross Douthat writes that courage of convictions has never been Romney’s strong point when votes are at stake.
Clowns for Romney will travel the country in blackface, wearing witch doctor regalia and re-creating Obama’s alleged birth in an African mud hut. Despite political incorrectness and blatant racism, Trump is confident there are enough birthers, Tea Partiers, Fox “News” viewers, and “ditto heads,” who will pay big bucks to see his road show—tentatively titled, Morons on Display. Negotiations are underway for temporary releases of affluent patients of mental institutions in cities where the clowns appear.
Romney is quite enthusiastic about the new Trump committee. The campaign is beginning get its mojo. He has already locked up the vote of animated department store mannequins, some of whom are relatives. And plans are being made to establish other unified constituences.
In a setback, Gays for Romney failed to gain momentum because of the refusal of bleached blonde men with mullets to risk being held down by gangs at rallies and having unwanted haircuts. Romney, of course, claims he doesn’t recall leading such an event as an eighteen year old prep school student. His loss of memory concerns potential gay recruits. No wonder. The late philosopher and cultural critic George Santayana warned that “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”
Gays for Romney is only one of the groups to fall be the wayside recently. Former American Nazi leader David Duke volunteered to create Ku Klux Klanners for Romney, however, the proposal was rejected after Duke demanded that the campaign to provide new bedsheets for his followers.
Nonetheless, its early in the campaign and Romney is optimistic other more acceptable supporters will form groups to get him above the 50 percent threshold. Swiss bankers and lobbyists for residential automobile elevators have already come together to back the candidate. And whore-mongering Louisiana Senator David Vitter is trying to organize Loose Women for Romney.
Regardless, the former Massachussets Governor doesn’t really need a lot of new groups. After all, he now has Donald Trump. What more could he ask for?
Come to think about it, what more could President Obama ask for?
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