Since the mid-1960’s, I have interacted with six Louisiana Governors—John McKeithen, Edwin Edwards, David Treen, Buddy Roemer, Mike Foster and Kathleen Blanco. My relationships ranged from casual to friendly to downright hostile. Edwin Edwards falls into the hostile category. After a couple of exposés that failed to meet his approval, he anointed me with the label, “derelict gunslinger.” The title refers to my checkered past and occupation as a muckraker.

I’ve never met Governor Smarty Pants, aka Bobby Jindal. Not there haven’t been opportunities. When he isn’t travelling across the country to raise campaign funds, promote himself as a potential national GOP candidate for something (preferably the Presidency and/or Vice Presidency), he is either searching for television cameras, giving his Jesus testimony in churches or passing out medals to military veterans, which is the Governor’s latest publicity ploy. He needs to adopt a campaign slogan of “Anywhere but Baton Rouge.”

I’m a four-year military veteran—a partially disabled veteran, in fact, as a result of being to close to jet aircraft and loud explosions. But despite tales I told barroom buddies in my drinking days long ago, the hearing loss I suffered did not involve great heroics. I deserved no extra medals then. Or now. Nonetheless, thanks for the offer, Governor. But I pass. The money can be better utilized keeping you in the Capitol figuring out ways to stop Louisiana’s descent to the status of a third world country.

The “third world”  analogy is not original. It was recently used by my former television colleague Barry Erwin, now head of the Council for a Better Louisiana. His remarks related to the Governor’s unending demands for slashing education budgets. From pre-school to college and beyond, the future is bleak. The only ray of sunshine is the LSU Tigers, which for many people is more important anyway. But that could change after football season opens this coming Saturday, meaning that the burden is on Coach Les Miles to give Louisianans something to brag about.

To quote our President, “Let me be perfectly clear.” I have not a clue of how  to deal with Louisiana’s financial dilemma. But it seems that Governor Smarty Pants could offer a plan better than cut, slash and eliminate. After all, the guy is an Ivy League educated Rhodes Scholar. And that may be the problem. More than any Louisiana Governor I’ve known, there seems to be a disconnect between Jindal, the legislature and the people who elected him.

Instead of focusing on the state’s financial problems during the most recent legislative session, the Governor stalked television cameras on the gulf coast. Throughout the efforts to deal with the BP oil spill catastrophe, he stepped before cameras on a daily basis to show-off his speed-talking skills. Some of his updates were barely comprehensible, but 24-hour cable news networks gave him the face time on national TV that he coveted.

Perhaps Governor Smarty Pant’s constant presence at the scene was helpful, but I haven’t figured out in what way. Certainly, his absence from Baton Rouge deprived the legislature of any kind of leadership. The only measure that seemed to remotely interest the administration was maintaining as much secrecy as possible with respect to Governor’s office. Come to think of it, Jindal might be positioning himself for a CIA appointment.

Whether Kathleen Blanco could have done a better job in handling the state’s financial crisis is an unknown. Given her background as a teacher and her interest in the state’s education system, I’m guessing she would have been far more aggressive in protecting Louisiana’s academic programs. Unfortunately, though, Hurricane Katrina did her in—unfairly maybe.

Katrina’s impact on Blanco falls under my heading of reporting that I never completed. In 2006, I did preliminary research for a Dallas, Texas production company that was in the early stages of a proposed movie length Katrina documentary. As it turned out, the project was too little, too late. Spike Lee’s HBO documentary was already in production.

Before the the Dallas group abandoned its project, I reviewed a lot of material, and spent time with Governor Blanco and several Administration officials. I came away under the  impression that she was the victim of circumstances such as the storm altering its course overnight after many residents refused to evacuate, levees giving way, news reporters playing “gotcha” and politicians trying to divert blame for their dereliction of duties on others.

At my first meeting with Governor Blanco, she made the point that if the levees protecting New Orleans had held, the major story of 2005 would have been Rita—the devastating hurricane that struck southwestern Louisiana a few weeks after Katrina. Although the force of Katrina inflicted heavy damage on the area, it was the flood that caused most of the devastation.

Regardless, Blanco was blamed for Corps of Engineers miscalculations, FEMA’s failures, and the tepid response to the tragedy by the Bush Administration. Because of the public’s perception of her “weakness” in responding to the storm, Blanco’s re-election chances diminished. Her departure from politics made it easy sailing for Bobby Jindal.

So far, Governor Smarty Pants has done a fine job getting on TV, visiting churches and presenting medals to old soldiers. One day, maybe he will get around to leading the state out of its crisis. 

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, is available at amazon.com and independent bookstores. It offers much more than $19.99 worth of laughs. The book is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) career.

Is U.S. Senator David Vitter brain dead or what? The Harvard graduate and Rhodes Scholar is making a career out of breathtaking stupid  stunts. As I reported yesterday, the Sarah Palin brain epidemic has infected Louisiana Governor Bobby (Smarty Pants) Jindal—another Ivy League educated Rhodes Scholar. However, I expect him to partially recover after television cameras leave the Gulf Coast and he quits saying stupid things that contradict experts.

Senator Vitter is a more challenging case. He has been haunted by hookers throughout much of his political career—first in his hometown of New Orleans and later in the nation’s Capitol where he was identified as a prostitution client of notorious D.C. madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey. The irony of the disclosure is remarkable. Vitter’s voice was among the loudest in the impeachment of President Bill Clinton. 

Despite world class hypocrisy—a level of which challenges a title long held by TV evangelist Jimmy Swaggart—Vitter’s voting record causes far-right conservatives to wet their britches in glee, an appropriate reaction to a politician whose paid paramours claimed he had a diaper-wearing fetish.   

If any doubts remain about Vitter’s quirks and misogyny, he erased the questions by allowing an aide with a criminal record of domestic abuse to act as the “women’s issues” representative in his Washington Senate office. 

http://www.salon.com/news/politics/war_room/2010/06/23/vitter_aide_abuse 

At a photo op last week when Vitter officially registered as a candidate for re-election, he refused to discuss the aide’s misconduct and position on his staff. The Senator abruptly ended an impromptu news conference and fled from the courthouse. In an editorial today, the Baton Rouge Advocate took him to task over the issue and his unwillingness to offer an explanation.

http://www.2theadvocate.com/opinion/98293574.html

I figured Vitter would lay low for a couple of days. But I learned long ago that desperate politicians are apt to embrace any issue they believe consituencies support. The Republican Senator obviously believed he was standing before a rally of morons Sunday evening when he voiced his support for lawsuits by so-called birthers, who continue to question whether President Obama was born in Hawaii.  

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100713/ap_on_go_pr_wh/us_republican_senator_birthers

And the now the video.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/13/david-vitter-birther-gop_n_644031.html

Because the nation’s mental institutions are already overcrowded, birthers have been deemed harmless to our health and safety, and are allowed to run free in society. In fact, a good number of these folks were cured of the birther delusion by learning to read something besides viral e-mail. Vitter and former CNN commentater Lou Dobbs—another Harvard graduate, believe it or not—may be last “educated” people in the country to exploit the birther issue.

Anyway, I wait with bated breath for Senator Vitter’s next stupid stunt. He is far more entertaining that Governor Smarty Pants. Even though he has a comfortable lead in the most recent polls, I am naive enough to believe voters will recognize his shortcomings and allow him to become a lobbyist—an advocate perhaps on behalf of ladies of the evening.

I will certainly miss him when he is gone. But if  re-elected by some strange set of circumstances, I can then ask the same question I posed at the beginning of this post. But with a slight variation.

“Are Louisiana voters brain dead, or what?”

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, is available at amazon.com and independent bookstores. It offers much more than $19.99 worth of laughs. The book is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) career.

The dumbing down of America continues. In 2008, I expected former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to go away and devote her time to shooting wolves from helicopters. But like a persistent virus, her simple-minded populist solutions to complex problems spreads among a discontented segment of society, as well as opportunistic politicians and wild-eyed pundits on radio and television.

The latest victim of populism fever is Louisiana’s Bobby Jindal. For nearly three months, Governor “Smarty-Pants” has spent nearly every waking hour in close range of television cameras that are covering the unfolding oil spill tragedy on the Gulf Coast. No doubt, he should be a leader in the battle to save the environmental and economic future of south Louisiana. But somewhere along the way, he seems to have been infected with Sarah Palin disease. Jindal has taken the attitude that he doesn’t need the advice of no stinking scientists, environmentalists and biologists.

For an Ivy League educated Rhodes Scholar, Governor Smarty Pants insistence that he knows more than all the experts seems curious. A mark of intelligence is a willingness to listen. But apparently, the only thing Jindal hears is his soaring fabvorability polls—most recently at 74 percent.

The man who would like to be President could probably add a few more points to his popularity rating by shooting BP executives from helicopters. Come to think about it, though, Palin has already cornered the market on shooting unarmed creatures from above. Maybe Jindal can lure BP officials into the churches where he trolls for votes when not jumping in front of TV cameras. His prey would then have a fighting chance since the Governor’s signature is now on a bill allowing concealed weapons in church sanctuaries. I know there are certain restrictions, but who reads the small print.

Anyway, I’m digressing into silliness. Back to the more serious business of political exploitation of the oil spill disaster. Baton Rouge’s Sunday Advocate has a front page story that does not speak well of LSU scientists, nor the Jindal Administration. An LSU professor and advisor to the state Office of Coastal Protection and Restoration told the newspaper that he and panel members had the same concerns as the federal government about the Governor’s insistence of constructing sand berms and rock jetties to block the flow of oil into marsh lands.

http://www.2theadvocate.com/news/98183534.html

In effect, Louisiana’s coastal “protection” panel of experts remained publicly silent because of the political ramifications. In other words, don’t rock the populist boat of Governor Smarty Pants, even though they believed his plan would have hurt more than help protect the fragile marsh land.

Unrelated to the Gulf oil spill was another weekend news article offering insight about the Sarah Palin syndrome. A study by a bunch of academic pointy-heads concluded that when people accept misinformation as reality, actual facts will not change minds under most circumstances.

http://www.boston.com/news/science/articles/2010/07/11/how_facts_backfire/?page=full

I know the study was probably conducted by liberal elitists. Even so, how about the birthers? Nothing changes their minds. I wish they were an extreme example. Sadly, the viral e-mail that often arrives suggests otherwise. And as a matter of personal corroboration, I have right-wing friends and family members who spit in the face of facts that dispute beliefs and/or opinions that are patently ridiculous. To be fair, the hardcore left is just as hard-headed. Worse, though, are journalists who never allow facts to get in the way of a good story.

As far as I know, the only antidote to protect against the Sarah Palin virus is reading. But too many people gave up that habit long ago in favor of simply listening. And what they listen to is a carrier of the disease of ignorance.

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, is available at amazon.com and independent bookstores. It offers much more than $19.99 worth of laughs. The book is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) career.

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal is taking full advantage of the tragedy devastating the Gulf coast to revive his national political aspirations. But he may be over-playing the opportunity. Several Louisiana lawmakers are criticizing him for ignoring his Baton Rouge responsibilities while the recently adjourned legislature was in session. And the national media is questioning Jindal’s duplicity in lambasting the federal government out of one side of his mouth and begging for money out of the other side.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/26/us/politics/26jindal.html?th&emc=th

In some respects, Governor Jindal reminds me of smarty-pants kids, who always seemed to occupy the front row of my elementary school classrooms. While I looked dumbfounded when called on to answer questions that interrupted my daydreams of heroics on athletic fields, there were always teacher’s pets waving their hands saying, “I know, I know.”

Rhodes scholar and Ivy League graduate Bobby Jindal is so smart that I believe he outsmarts himself. The Governor’s presence on Louisiana’s Gulf coast is admirable and reassuring to residents. But he acts as if he alone has solutions to the catastrophe. Granted, BP’s public relations policies have been a corporate disaster. However, Jindal’s suggestion of foot-dragging by BP and/or the federal government is patently ridiculous. The company’s stock has plunged in value and President Obama is taking a beating in the polls because of his inability to dive into the Gulf and personally plug the leak. Remarkably, the President was criticized by many Republicans for strong-arming BP to put $20-billion into an escrow fund to compensate Gulf coast residents and businesses for their losses.

In recent days, much of the criticism of BP has focused on the bureaucratic snafus that have slowed the compensation process. One thing is for sure. When it comes to bureaucracy, Louisiana has very few, if any, short-term answers. A historical overload of too many layers of government has been the main contributor to the state’s current economic woes. Unfortunately, Jindal was absent from Baton Rouge while lawmakers wrestled with the problem during the recently concluded legislative session.

As Governor, his responsibilities “included” a frequent and visible presence at the site of the tragedy. But the job of Louisiana’s chief executive also requires his presence in the Capitol. The television cameras, however, were focused on the coastline. He could not resist a chance to redeem his image, which was badly damaged by a cartoonish speech delivered in response to President Obama’s 2009 State of the Union address. 

How much time Jindal has spent in Baton Rouge during the oil spill is a state secret. More than most past Louisiana Governors, he maintains a veil of secrecy around his official activities and travels. But for the time being at least, voters are getting to see his face on TV every night.

If all the national television exposure fails to revive Jindal’s national ambitions, his propensity for secrecy will make him a perfect candidate to head the CIA when the Republicans next take control of the White House.  

While on the subject of Gulf coast television face time, how about CNN’s Anderson Cooper? He has camped out at the scene of the disaster since it began. Not surprising. The same was true when he reported from Haiti following the devastating earthquake, and in New Orleans after Katrina.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/18/us/18cooper.html?th&emc=th

Among anchors, Cooper stands alone in his hands-on reporting from where news is breaking. The opportunity to be where the action is may be the reason that CNN is able to keep him on the payroll. He has received lucrative job offers from other networks. I doubt that money is an influencing factor. As the son of Gloria Vanderbilt, Cooper grew up with wealth.

In coming months, he may get a boost in ratings that are below what he deserves. Larry King announced yesterday that he will leave his nightly program in the fall. The ratings-poor King show is the lead-in to Anderson’s Cooper’s prime-time newscast.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/06/29/AR2010062904751.html?wpisrc=nl_headline

Larry King’s departure turns another page in CNN’s history. He probably should have followed me out the door ten years ago. Times were changing. Younger faces were appearing and the taste for fawning over celebrities was diminishing. Anyway, I hope the 76 year old veteran talk show host enjoys his sunset years. If his present wife fails her audition, Larry still has time to add a few more spouses to his alimony payroll.

In case anyone misses these missives for a few days, my blog posts will be absent until next Tuesday. I’m departing today for San Antonio to join thousands of anonymous folks in celebrating the 75th anniversary of an anonymous 12-step fellowship that save my life and salvaged the lives of millions of other people.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/29/opinion/29brooks.html?ref=opinion

Have a great holiday weekend!

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, is available at amazon.com and independent bookstores. It offers much more than $19.99 worth of laughs. The book is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) career.

I knew this catastrophe was coming. And now that it has happened, we are going to have to accept the results and try to accept a new environment. Louisiana is no longer the home of the dumbest politics in America. In fact, our fair state has fallen to number three behind Illinois and the new champion of dumbness, South Carolina.

The long Appalachian Trail hike by the South Carolina Governor to visit an Argentine lover gave his state early momentum. It gathered steam (literally and figuratively) with the recent ignoble claims by two political operatives about alleged sexual liaisons with Republican gubernatorial nominee Nikki Haley. But dumbness victory clincher was the Democratic U.S Senatorial primary win by a candidate more obscure than a peach poacher in a South Carolina orchard—a guy so poor he would have to float a loan to pay a parking ticket, let alone come up with $10,000 to enter the race.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/06/14/AR2010061405215.html?wpisrc=nl_headline

Speculation about Alfred M. Greene’s improbable nomination has resulted in a variety of theories ranging from political sabotage to election machine malfunctions. Under indictment on a pornography charge, he made no effort to gain more notoriety by campaigning for the nomination.  

Greene’s freakish win has fueled suspicians by Democrats that he was a straw candidate recruited by Republicans to ease the way for the re-election of incumbent Jim DeMint. Regardless of the Democratic opponent, DeMint is a cinch to win—unless, of course, he is caught taking a long hike on the Appalachian Trail to meet a babe in some exotic country. And even under those circumstances, he would probably prevail.         

Meantime, Greene’ opponent in the Democratic race, Vic Rawl, conducted a vigorous campaign by posting a video on youtube. Several neighbors claimed to recognize his name, which is probably true since he is a former state lawmaker. But because ”G” precedes “R” in the alphabet, Rawl’s name was printed second on the ballot, leading to conjecture that Greene may have won the election alphabetically. Voters felt an obligation to pull the lever for someone, even though they had never heard of either candidate. 

I have long held the steadfast belief that four term Louisiana Commissioner of Insurance Sherman Bernard was first elected to office because his name begins with the letter, “B.” I have often nominated him as the dumbest politician ever elected to a state office anywhere, albeit a relatively obscure office even though it is responsible for regulating a multi-billion dollar business and providing protection for every consumer in Louisiana. Once in office, insurance commissioners manage to hang-on until they are indicted and sent to prison. Three consecutive Louisiana commissioners heard gates slam shut behind them. 

If Alvin Greene is simply a straw candidate, who was put in the race to influence its outcome, South Carolina politians can take lessons from old hat Louisiana strategists. Indeed, the practice is so ancient in Louisiana that it has pretty much been abandoned in statewide politics.

The most famous of the Louisiana strawmen was Warren (Puggy) Moity. Although he never won an election, his name appeared on numerous ballots and he bought blocks of television time with OPM—other people’s money. In fact, I owe a debt of gratitude to Puggy. He helped re-enforce my belief in God.

In 1971 when I plugged the jug following a failed skid row audition, my finances were in a mess. The amount of indebtedness seems small today—only two or three thousand dollars. But at the time, it seemed like a mountain to climb. An important part of sobriety was getting my life in order by covering bad checks, staying current in paying child support and keeping creditors happy. So after finally finding a job, I contacted creditors like Baton Rouge’s then leading loan shark, Household Finance, and agreed to pay a set amount each month. The total amounted to $300. A relatively small sum, however, I had over-promised. And a time came when I couldn’t meet any portion of the obligation. Sitting in the living room of my apartment in near panic—an over-reaction, for sure— I muttered, “Oh, God. What should I do?” 

Instantaneously, the phone rang. No, it wasn’t God. After all, I’m not Jimmy Swaggart or one of those TV preachers, who carries on back-and-forth conversations with the Lord. The caller was Brooks Read, a local public relations and advertising man specializing in political campaigns. Brooks ask if I was available to do a thirty-second television spot. He said he would pay me $300.00.

A short time later, I stood facing the camera while attacking Edwin Edwards, then running successfully for the first of his four terms as Louisana’s Governor. The TV spot was paid for by “Friends of Puggy Moity.” Or more accurately, opponents of Edwin Edwards. I had never done a television commercial before—political or otherwise—and I’ve never done one since. But the benevolent coincidence of the timing is memorable.

Too bad Puggy is not around anymore to help Louisiana retain its title as the state with the dumbest politics. Not that our politicians haven’t tried. The lawmaker sponsoring a bill to allow worshippers to pack heat in church could have enhanced our standing. But the measure was defeated. Bobby Jindal—no dummy—stumbled by falling prey to some GOP ventriliquist, who made him appear dumb during a nationally televised response to President Obama’s 2009 State of the Union speech. Our Governor has redeemed himself nicely during the Gulf oil spill crisis.

Louisiana’s last hope has been political consultant, James Carville. His Glenn Beck-like ranting on CNN in recent days makes him look like a comic book caricature of the Carville, who on occasion makes sense. But his effort is too little, too late. South Carolina wins the dumbness sweepstakes by a big margin. 

Maybe November will bring a new team to help Louisiana regain the title.

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, is available at amazon.com and independent bookstores. It offers much more than $19.99 worth of laughs. The book is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) career.

Trash disseminated in viral e-mails and publications seemingly printed in the lock-down wards of mental hospitals, as well as the distortions of people like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh, is the price we endure to protect our First Amendment freedoms. A bargain price, actually. I’ve often heard the cliche that “I will fight to the death to protect the freedoms of of press and speech.” But if it ever comes to down to hand-to-hand combat, I will have to hold my nose and grit my teeth when defending some of the characters who exploit the First Amendment for financial and/or political gain.

Sadly, a scared and angry segment of victims accept much of the trash they read or hear as absolute fact, especially if it provides an some sort of explanation for the uncontrollable circumstances that impact their lives. People react rather than think when backed into corners by the loss of careers and financial security, fear of ethnic groups and religions they don’t understand, and the helplessness that overwhelms them in dealing with tragedies.

A close friend and good Republican whose knee doesn’t jerk when speaking with “liberals” like me— forwarded a viral e-mail of the worst kind today. He ask, “How is it possible to print trash like this?” The first two paragraphs of this post is the answer I sent him.

The missive in question is typical of wing-nut mentality. The writer stoops to exploiting homophobia by accusing the President, a few of his aides and several other public officials—liberal Democrats except for a retired Republican Senator—of being members of a notorious bathhouse for gays. The author and the website from which this fable emanates tries to paint a scenario built around a Chicago men’s club. But he offers not shred of evidence to support any allegation in the lengthy “column.”

Maybe the guy is plain ass crazy. However, my guess is he has problems dealing with his own sexuality. That is frequently the case among outspoken right-wing homophobes. I’ve lost count of the number of these guys who have been exposed as gays, or caught up in other sex scandals.

I’m reasonably certain the e-mail sent to me is being discarded by recipients possessing I.Q.’s that reach double digits. Yet, there will be a few people saying, “Have you read…blah, blah?” Toxic politics has created The Church of the Bizarre made up of a congregation of susceptible believers baptized by immersion in e-mails claiming the President was born in Africa.

The believe wild rumors and allegations must be true since they are part of the written word, instead of being passed along by whispers and rhetoric heard at Ku Klux Klan rallies and Tea Party events. But the “written word” does not transform fiction into reality.

Three decades ago, I was covering the life and travails of notorious mobster, Meyer Lansky when book was published about his mafia buddy, Lucky Luciano. As a I sat outside a grand jury room next to Lansky unsuccessfully trying to question him, a cop brought him a copy to autograph. The book gave a purported history of the association between the two organized crime figures. Lansky scribbled, “All that is written is not true,” a phrase he probably high-jacked from another author. Whatever the source, though, it has widespread application today, particularly  when reading Obama tales.   

And speaking of the President—a “straight” shooter aiming for a piece of B.P.’s butt, though not for gay sex—he visits Louisiana and the Gulf Coast for the fourth time, mainly because that is what Presidents are supposed to do. An important role of the nation’s Chief Executives is to press the flesh of victims of tragedies, often at the cost of ignoring other important issues requiring their presence in Washington. The trips are necessary to reassure disaster victims that they are not forgotten and ”will be made whole.”

There is, however, the inherent danger a politicizing the oil spill. Since the rig exploded, Democrats and Republicans alike have postured for the benefit of cameras. Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal is the biggest beneficiary. By acting like the man in charge, he has recovered from the “weeny-like” nationally television speech in 2009 that almost doomed his future prospects of becoming a Presidential candidate. He is doing a good job.

But Jindal has to walk a political tightrope or God forbid, homophobic characters of the far-left—I presume there are a few—will begin sending out toxic e-mails accusing him of being gay.

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, is available at amazon.com and independent bookstores. It offers much more than $19.99 worth of laughs. The book is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) career.

Maybe it’s the pollen in the air, but the first week of May receives high marks for moronic remarks. In a close race, Michael (heckuva of a job) Brown wins the stupidity sweepstakes for his oil rig spill consiracy theory. It  is the second major award for the former director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA). In 2005, Brown received the nation’s highest award for governmental incompetence in recognition of his Katrina screw-ups in delaying FEMA’s response to the disastrous hurricane.

In an interview last week with Neil Cavuto on the Republican propaganda network, aka Fox Fox “News,” Brown theorized that the Obama Administration delayed its response to the Gulf of Mexico spill in an effort to halt off-shore drilling. In the first place, the U.S. Coast Guard immediately responded and received assurances from oil rig’s owner, British Petroleum, that the spill could easily be contained. When it became apparent that BP under-estimated the amount of oil spilling off Louisiana’s fragile coast line, the Administration immediately commited added resources. This was not Obama’s Katrina as many Republicans hoped.

Also undercutting Brown’s theory is the fact that the Administration recently endorsed additional off-shore drilling. Moreover, Obama called for only a temporary halt in exploration—a statement that drew sharp criticism from environmentalists. Given these facts, Neil Caputo deserves an award for poor journalism since he failed to challenge Brown, whose remarks were so stupid that Fox commentator Dick Morris even disputed the theory. For Morris to defend Obama on any issue is akin to seeing an Our Lady of Lourdes miracle.

However, Morris redeemed himself with the far right. The toe-sucking former political consultant advanced his own conspiracy theory—this one involving an alleged Obama plot to create voter alliances along racial lines by exploiting Arizona’s draconian immigration law. The problem with the theory, even if it were true, is Arizona beat the President to the punch. Despite a noble effort by Dick Morris, I can only award him honorable mention for stupidity. But he doesn’t need additional prizes. His walls are already covered with certificates for dumb claims.

Therefore, my choice for runner-up to Michael Brown in the most stupid competition is the editor of a blog called the Gateway Pundit. It reported last week that President Obama removed Times Square wannabe bomber Faisal Shahzad from the terrorist watch list in 2008. There is a slight difficulty in supporting the allegation. As anyone with the brain of a donkey knows, Obama was not President in 2008. Remarkably, the blog post got a little play from one of the cable networks. Readers of this blog will  jump to the conclusion that I’m going to name Fox “News.” By darn, they are correct.

I can’t let today’s awards pass without invoking the name of Rush Limbaugh, even though he is ineligible for citations. Otherwise, he would dominate the competition to the point that no one else could win. Nonetheless, I can’t ignore his claim that Faisal Shahzad is a Democrat. I guess Limbaugh has added pyschic to his credentials. Faisal never registered to vote.

Speaking of pyschotics—oops, I mean people with pyschic visions—Fox “News” talent scouts will be happy to know that many of my neighbors at the East Louisiana State Hospital are being sent home and told to check in with privatel menta health clinics to get treatment and receive their weekly allotments of medications. Privatizing treatment is all part of budget cutbacks being implemented by our esteemed Governor, Bobby Jindal—a man who may be as deluded as some of the asylum’s patients since he supposedly has plans of one day becoming President.

Anyway, if history repeats itself a lot of mental patients will forget to take their pills, qualifying them for one of four alternatives—a job with Fox “News” replacing Glenn Beck, a talk show on AM radio, starting a wing-nut blog, or wandering the streets aimlessly as a homeless vagrant.

They will probably choose the latter. 

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, is available at amazon.com and independent bookstores. It offers much more than $19.99 worth of laughs. It is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) career.

Perodically, stories appear in the mainstream media speculating about the political aspirations of former CNN anchor Lou Dobbs, as well as Louisiana Governor, Bobby Jindal. A Republican ticket of Dobbs for President and Jindal as his running mate would be a dream come true.

For Democrats.

Earlier this month, Dobbs said he has not abandoned his Oval Office ambitions. And Jindal continues to prance around the country raising money—allegedly to finance his campaign for a second term as Governor. However, Dobbs and Jindal  share the same problem. They live in fantasy worlds, a common destination for a lot of television personalities and politicians—no matter how smart they are. And these are two smart guys. Dobbs graduated from Harvard. Jindal is also Ivy League educated. He attended Brown and did his post-graduate studies as a Rhodes Scholar at England’s Oxford University.

Still, there is something about television and/or politics that supersedes intellect. I observed the phenomenon throughout my career as a non-celebrity TV reporter. Despite virtual anonymity during thirty years as a broadcast newsman, I was often guilty of the self-important posturing that afflicts a vast majority of television correspondent. Or for that matter, most journalists. There is a tendency to forget that we are only as important as the venue in which we practice the craft.  

Beyond peering into the mirror and assessing my own ego, I’ve seen the insidious narcissism that spreads like a pharmaceutical-resistant virus in the business from which I retired. It was always fascinating to have dinner with well-known newsmen and watch them divert their attention from the table to survey the room in hope that there is a flicker of recognition by fellow diners.

A veteran video editor once told me about strolling through Central Park with Mike Wallace following an outing by members of the 60 Minutes  staff. Instead of returning to CBS headquarters on 52nd street via a lightly traveled path, Wallace chose the most crowded route, thus, bringing him the attention that TV folks crave. 

In my ten year tenure as CNN’s Senior Investigative Correspondent, Lou Dobbs and I became casual acquaintances. He’s a nice guy, at least when I knew him. However, he was known for his temperment. After Dobbs was passed over for a top network executive position, he up and quit. Ted Turner convinced him to return a few months later. By then, he faced competition in his time slot of Bill O’Reilly—the most controversial Fox “News” personality at the time.

Lou apparently decided to “out outrage” O’Reilly by launching crusades on issues like illegal immigration. Lou’s outrage caused controversy, the equivalent of mother’s milk for spell-my-name-right television egotists. CNN, however, got many complaints as a result of Lou’s tendency to bend facts. The complaints escalated after Lou offered aid and comfort to birther lunatics. In a matter of months, he “resigned.”

The Lou Dobbs audience has since shrunk to a relatively small number of radio listerners willing to patiently search the dial for his talk show on tiny radio stations around the country. But Lou’s ego seemingly remains outsized if he has deluded himself into believing he is qualified to run for President.

Meantime, Bobby Jindal’s Presidential delusion continues to be fed by people who believe in the national potential of the Governor of a state ranked at the low end of nearly every quality of living scale. It reminds me of the smoke blown up the derriere of John McKeithen, another Louisiana chief executive with national ambitions.

In 1968, I covered the Democratic National Convention in Chicago. At a Sunday evening cocktail party in honor of the Louisiana delegation, speculation was rampant about McKeithen’s prospects of being the running mate of presumed nominee, Hubert Humphrey. Indeed, when I interviewed U.S. Senator Russell Long, he cut the the interview short, saying, ”Don’t talk to me. Interview the next Vice President of the United States.”

Long then led me by the arm to McKeithen. He would have been a remarkable choice to run as V.P. given that Louisiana was in the midst of turmoil over school desegregation, labor racketeering and allegations of mafia influence on government. And like Jindal, he was Governor of a state that showed little inclination to solve the problems. 

It was later revealed that Senator Long’s purpose in promoting McKeithen was to keep the Louisiana delegation unified in the wake of contentious debate over the Demoratic’s party’s positions on several issues, the foremost being civil rights. McKeithen was passed over as a prospective running mate without so much as a nod. And even before the convention ended, he left for home. Arriving at the airport in New Orleans, he gave a law and order speech, then retreated to sulk for a few days.

I doubt that Jindal’s ambitions will be squelched so traumatically—that is assuming he holds on to a return ticket to reality.

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, is available at amazon.com and independent bookstores. It offers much more than $19.99 worth of laughs. It is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) career.