The United States needs to construct a fence around the entire nation to stop lunatics from spreading our crazy virus to the rest of the world. I think I know the root cause of the epidemic—deinstituionalization.

Forty years ago, I produced and reported a documentary about the East Louisiana State Hospital, a sprawling campus in the town of Jackson. Founded in 1847 as the Insane Asylum of Louisiana, the hospital mirrored the evolution of mental health treatment in the country—although vestiges of the past could be found in the basement of the main building where long abandoned dungeons were located.

Throughout history, confinement in mental institutions has been a guessing game. A psychiatrist I interviewed for the documentary said decisions were sometimes the result of geography. A person considered mentally ill in a rural community of north Louisiana might be viewed as slightly eccentric in New Orleans. Indeed, until the latter half of the 1900’s, bipolar depression was often diagnosed as a form of lunacy.

Nowadays, even the most severely impaired patients—mostly schizophrenics—can be treated with medications and released from institutions. So long as they continue to pop pills and maintain contact with outpatient clinics, they can usually function in a reasonably normal manner. But the big flaw in desinstituionalization is lack of follow-up. Most big cities and urban areas have sizeable populations of street people, who forgot or refused to take medications.

Worse, the nation’s airwaves and political chambers are overrun by insane characters in need of medication. Even shrinks forget their drugs. That was apparent last night on CNN’s Larry King show when Dr. Laura announced she was ending her long-running radio show in order to exercise her First Amendment rights. 

http://mediadecoder.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/08/17/dr-laura-schlessinger-to-end-radio-show/?hp 

Anyone reading my blog more than a couple of times knows I will “fight to the death” (ho, ho) in defense of the First Amendment. But nearly 100 years ago, U.S. Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes noted that free speech does not cover “falsely shouting fire in a crowded theater.” Dr. Laura’s comment that the “N” word was commonly used by African Americans on cable shows and in other venues was not false. However, her repeated use of the word was designed to inflame, thus making it equivalent to shouting fire. Hopefully, Dr. Laura will locate her pill bottle.

So what happens to the radio audience that has now been infected with her insanity. They can find refuge by turning the dial to Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and an array of radio talk show hosts, who make listeners feel like they have entered the lockdown ward of a mental hospital. Or they can find a Tea Party demonstration where folks dress in costumes similar to outfits that once got people admitted to asylums. I’m guessing these are the same people who overdosed on Glenn Beck. Consider, for instance, this excerpt from Media Matters, which is staffed by people strong enough to monitor Beck.

Back in April, Glenn Beck informed his radio listeners that during his trip to the Vatican, an “individual” there told him that “what you’re doing is wildly important” in the upcoming struggle against forces of “great darkness.”

Earlier the same week, Beck explained that he was promoting “the plan that [God] would have me articulate, I think, to you,” against “darkness.” While notable on their own merits, Beck’s comments were especially striking because they marked what was (at the time) the culmination of Beck’s regular portrayal of himself as fighting on behalf of “good” against the forces of “evil” and “darkness.”

Since then, Beck has made it abundantly clear that he does not use this sort of language metaphorically — he quite literally believes he is fighting on the side of God against Satan. In the months since his trip to the Vatican, Beck has ramped up the frequency and intensity with which he frames the current political debate in our country in biblical, and sometimes apocalyptic, terms.

For example, in recent months, Beck has:

• Compared Barack Obama to Lucifer.

• Looked skyward on his TV show and said, “Lord, it’s your turn, we’ve done everything we can” while comparing the current situation in our country to Stephen King’s post-apocalyptic novel The Stand. In the same segment, Beck also told people they need to ask for forgiveness, and said that “we’re in a dark, dark place” and “dark dudes” are “coming our way.” He added, “Now, I’m hoping the guy with horns doesn’t actually show up, but he could.”

• Explained that we are fighting “the oldest battle that man has ever fought. It is the battle in the war in heaven. It is the battle that we fought in the Garden of Eden. Choice.” Beck also compared Obama and his administration to the snake in the Garden of Eden because he “will make the choices for you.”

• Hosted a panel of pastors and preachers that he billed as “people that need to start standing up.” During the show, Beck plugged the “excellent” book by Rev. John Hagee, Can America Survive? 10 Prophetic Signs That We Are the Terminal Generation, which he apparently had just started reading. Hagee’s book interprets biblical prophecy to argue that the world is fast approaching Armageddon and the second coming of Jesus Christ. Beck explicitly endorsed Hagee’s theory by stating as fact that “a lot of the pieces that have never been here for the prophecy are here now.”

• Repeatedly suggested that progressives and liberals are “enemies of God” and “enemies of Him,” and declared that they “don’t have [God] on their side.”

• Told his listeners to “make no mistake: You are fighting a power far greater, far greater than any elected official. This has been the works for a very long time.” He then warned that the “gates of Hell will open up.”

This brings us to Beck’s upcoming “Restoring Honor” rally, which is slated to take place in two weeks. Beck has repeatedly described the rally as historic and modestly declared that it “will be remembered in American history as the turning point.” As he has explained it, Beck originally wanted to schedule the rally for September 12, but didn’t want people to “work on the Sabbath,” so he rescheduled it for August 28. When he later discovered that this date marked the 47th anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech, rather than chalking it up to coincidence, Beck claimed that it was “divine providence.”

Just think about that for a second — Beck is so convinced he is working on behalf of the forces of “good” that he believes God made sure the date of his self-aggrandizement festival coincided with the anniversary of a landmark speech by a civil rights icon.

Beck’s messianic religiosity took the next logical step this week, when he announced a new event scheduled on the eve of the 8-28 rally. Employing his characteristic humility, the event will be titled “Glenn Beck’s Divine Destiny” and will feature “nationally-known figures from all faiths.” Beck describes the evening as an “eye-opening” event “that will help heal your soul.”

While Beck regularly garners plenty of attention, his increasingly intense religiosity has flown mostly under the radar. If we’re to take him at his word, then he sincerely believes that he is fighting on behalf of God against the forces of Satan — or as Beck calls them, “progressives.” If that isn’t the case, then he’s cynically using biblical fearmongering in order to continue to grow his brand and score political points. I’m not sure which is worse. Either way, it’s deserving of more attention

A blog reader asked a few days ago why I continued to beat up on Beck, Sean Hannity, Limbaugh, Fox “News,” et al. The short answer is that deinstituionalization has gone too far. A nut virus has been spread by the aforementioned characters and the Republican Propaganda Network, which hides behind the ridiculous misnomer of “fair and balanced.”

Freedom of speech and/or opinions is not an issue when it comes to “falsely shouting fire in a crowded theater.” And the distortion and lies on Fox and talk radio fall into that category. As the abandonment of dungeons at East Louisiana State Hospital attests, raving lunatics can be treated with drugs. My guess is there are medications powerful enough to treat madmen (and women, or should I say madpersons to be politically correct) polluting the airwaves. Lighter doses are required for most of the loony politicians, although there are exceptions.

And speaking of Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich, I can’t decide if they are the cause or effect of the epidemic of nuttiness. Newt probably falls into the first category given his shennigans that go back more than two decades—even before Fox “News” was created by Satan himself, Rupert Murdoch. Although the Wasilla flash, Sarah Palin, was infected late, she has become the “Typhoid Mary” of the epidemic.

But as I have said many times before, I always try to see the glass as half full. The upside to all the nuttiness in our country is that we are providing comic relief to many other nations during a worldwide economic downslide that has no borders. Even so, anyone in foreign lands watching the antics that have now become pervasive in the United States must be wondering what happened to our country.

If we don’t build fences to keep the nuts inside our borders, other nations are sure to build them to keep us out.

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, is available at amazon.com and independent bookstores. It offers much more than $19.99 worth of laughs. The book is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) career.

A recent decision by the U.S. Second Circuit Court of Appeals struck down the Federal Communication Comission’s broadcast indecency policy. The ruling stated that FCC standards covering offensive language are “unconstitutionally vague.”

If the decision is eventually upheld by the U.S. Supreme Court, it could open the door for CNN to finally do something innovative. Take for example all the boring talking heads on the network. Instead of restrained debate when Republicans and Democrats face-off, the language could be more reflective of how political opponents really feel. Something along the lines of former Vice President Dick Cheney’s advice to Democratic Senator Patrick Leahy of Vermont, “Go f–k yourself.”

HBO’s success with programs such as The Sopranos is evidence that real life language attracts viewers. And take it from me, a reporter who spent a good portion of my career covering organized crime, that is the language of mobsters. But since CNN is desperate to regain lost viewers, let’s not rely on dirty words as an attraction. Instead of blondes in short skirts, “Take it off.”

I know this seems stupid. However, my old employer is getting close to cornering the market on stupid decisions—the foremost being its effort to incrementally sink to the level of Fox “News.” The departure of Campbell Brown as a prime time anchor is indicative of CNN’s failure to sustain its legitimacy as a reliable news gathering organization. Replacing her in the time slot is a show co-anchored by a horny former New York Governor and a conservative newspaper columnist. The program should be titled, Crossfire: Part Two. For readers with short memories Crossfire was a long-running CNN screaming match between liberals and conservatives.

Before I express contempt for the new show prior to its debut, I must concede that it has potential if the network takes full advantage of Eliot Spitzer’s more perverse talents. He can book a few of his paramours from the little black book he used while serving as Governor. Please, though, avoid demonstrations of past behavior. I don’t want to see a guy prancing around wearing only black socks as was his habit in Washington D.C. hotel suites.

Hopefully, co-host Kathleen Parker will keep his libido in check. Despite her credentials as a conservative pundit, she is an outspoken feminist. Actually, her politics seem more moderate than conservative—a view that I’m certain is held by Sarah Palin. During the 2oo8 Presidential campaign, Parker wrote many unkind words about the former Governor of Alaska, such as this excerpt from a column following the infamous Katie Couric interview.

Like so many women, I’ve been pulling for Palin, wishing her the best, hoping she will perform brilliantly. I’ve also noticed that I watch her interviews with the held breath of an anxious parent, my finger poised over the mute button in case it gets too painful. Unfortunately, it often does. My cringe reflex is exhausted.

Palin filibusters. She repeats words, filling space with deadwood. Cut the verbiage and there’s not much content there. Here’s but one example of many from her interviews with Sean Hannity: “Well, there is a danger in allowing some obsessive partisanship to get into the issue that we’re talking about today. And that’s something that John McCain, too, his track record, proving that he can work both sides of the aisle, he can surpass the partisanship that must be surpassed to deal with an issue like this.”
(Note: The interview proves that Palin was never a prophet)

When Couric pointed to polls showing that the financial crisis had boosted Obama’s numbers, Palin blustered wordily: “I’m not looking at poll numbers. What I think Americans at the end of the day are going to be able to go back and look at track records and see who’s more apt to be talking about solutions and wishing for and hoping for solutions for some opportunity to change, and who’s actually done it?”

If BS were currency, Palin could bail out Wall Street herself.

The Eliot Spitzer/Kathleen Parker show begins in mid-September. I wish CNN luck in bringing back viewers. But media critics are pretty much unanimous in verdicts that the network is taking steps backward, rather than forward—especially with the pending announcement that tabloid personality Piers Morgan will replace Larry King, who is leaving one step ahead of the arrival of a hearse.

As New Yorker media critic Nancy Franklin pointed out this week, there are no easy answers to CNN’s dilemma of competing with right and left-wing lunatics like Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and Keith Olberman. And as smart as Spitzer is by his own admission, he is probably 25 IQ points behind fellow liberal Rachel Maddow.

http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/television/2010/08/02/100802crte_television_franklin?currentPage=all

I would like to think that CNN’s future is in its past. The New Yorker article reminded me of my ten years with the network when legitimate news stories were dominate. But those days may be long gone.

So I say to CNN, lets see some skin. It will help my IRA.

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, is available at amazon.com and independent bookstores. It offers much more than $19.99 worth of laughs. The book is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) career.

There’s many people in the world just like our Henny-Penny,

They panic when they listen to the news,

They think the sky is falling and we’re all about to die,

I’d say they have the Henny-Penny-Blues.

The Lightnin’ Hopkins song should be adopted as the anthem of the Tea Party. “The sky is falling” iseems to be the mantra of the loudest folks at tea party demonstrations and other events. It is no wonder. Doomsday prophecies dominate the nation’s airwaves and cable news channels. And although the heaviest dose of negativism and uncivility penetrates the right ear, the left ear drum also takes a beating. Whine, bitch, complain. There seems to be no escape.

This certainly is not the best of times. Nor is it the worst of times. My IRA is proof. Unfortunately, though, our society lives on instant gratification. Patience? What the hell is that? President Obama promises a slow recovery of the economy. But he should have dealt with that problem yesterday. Worse, the President delivered on his campaign promises. Health care legislation and finance reform were passed by a Democrats in Congress, despite opposition from a party that votes no on bathroom breaks.

I recognize the contradiction in my vent. Whine, bitch, complain. But I duck when passing mirrors to avoid seeing myself as others might see me. Besides, I’m a journalist. That gives me a free pass to point fingers at other people, create conflict and act like I have good sense. These are God given journalistic privileges. If you don’t believe me, just watch television. Listen to the radio. Or—I know this is radical in the Internet age—read newspapers.

So where am I going with this rant? I’m not exactly sure where my fingers will take me. More than likely, it’s in the direction of politics, pollsters and journalists. One of the qualities I admire in Obama is his apparent tendency to ignore polls. At least, in the short-term. His knee seems to remain relatively still in the face of opposition to issues such as health reform, immigration, drilling moratoriums, etc. Unlike his predecessor who put on a flight suit to declare our victory in Iraq (some victory) Obama didn’t don a scuba outfit and dive into the Gulf of Mexico to plug the BP oil leak. Maybe he expected Louisiana Governor Smarty Pants to put his finger in the well head.  

I have no doubt that Obama reads the polls. Actually, he doesn’t need to. News reporters and pundits read them obsessively and pass along the results when questioning the President. Even if he doesn’t care that people believe he is the worst President since the one yesterday. Or the one tomorrow. Even though journalists comprising the Washington elite don’t cover a hurricanes, they still bend with the breeze—most of which is generated polls.

In a weird sort of way, Fox “News” is refreshing. Bet the readers of the blog never believed I would make such a statement. But like patients in mental asylums, Fox folks see the world differently than the norm. In my book, that is okay. It just gives me additional things to bitch about in the blog. Thirty seconds watching Glenn Beck provides enough material to last for days.

I relate to oddballs because my investigative reporting career was built on contrarianism. At times when all my colleagues were jumping on the bandwagon of conventional wisdom, I hung around to ask one more question about an issue and/or individual. One more question led to two, then three and so on. The results were often surprising. As evidence, check the journalism awards on the walls of my home office. But be sure to knock. Sometimes my hair is mussed.

In some respects, the only difference between the Fox folks and me is that I based my exposés on facts rather than politics. Sadly, facts are not much in vogue today. Especially on cable news networks. All three—I’m being generous in calling MSNBC a news network—are filled programming with talking heads. Fox provides forum for every known Republican politician. MSNBC’s format of all opinion, all the time caters to Democrats. CNN tries to play the middle ground by encouraging guests from the left and right to engae in fistfights. Instead, the conflicts are pissing matches. I fully expect CNN to raise the stakes by recruiting Jerry Springer. He could take the place of John King. 

By the way (notice that I didn’t use the shortcut btw to make me seem like I was a mod kind of guy), what’s with John King—no relation to the network’s mummy in residence, Larry King. John is CNN’s replacement for nutty Lou Dobbs. Although King the younger claims Massachussets as his birthplace, my suspicion is he was born in a taxicab on Pennsylvania Avenue outside the White House while his mother played video games. He is consumed with Presidential politics and digital devices that are designed to totally confuse viewers. I Tivo the show and use it as a cure for insomnia.

But enough of this rambling discourse. I warned you that I didn’t know where my fingers were going to take me. My dilemma now is coming up with a clever close to the post, something that relates to the title. I never attended journalsim school but I think there is supposed to be a bit of relevance between the opening and the finale.

How about this? I’ve rattled on today without any forethought given to what the hell I was going to say.

BTW (they years just peeled away), tomorrow is re-run day as I try to escape the dog days of summer by heading out of town.

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, is available at amazon.com and independent bookstores. It offers much more than $19.99 worth of laughs. The book is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) career.

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal is taking full advantage of the tragedy devastating the Gulf coast to revive his national political aspirations. But he may be over-playing the opportunity. Several Louisiana lawmakers are criticizing him for ignoring his Baton Rouge responsibilities while the recently adjourned legislature was in session. And the national media is questioning Jindal’s duplicity in lambasting the federal government out of one side of his mouth and begging for money out of the other side.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/26/us/politics/26jindal.html?th&emc=th

In some respects, Governor Jindal reminds me of smarty-pants kids, who always seemed to occupy the front row of my elementary school classrooms. While I looked dumbfounded when called on to answer questions that interrupted my daydreams of heroics on athletic fields, there were always teacher’s pets waving their hands saying, “I know, I know.”

Rhodes scholar and Ivy League graduate Bobby Jindal is so smart that I believe he outsmarts himself. The Governor’s presence on Louisiana’s Gulf coast is admirable and reassuring to residents. But he acts as if he alone has solutions to the catastrophe. Granted, BP’s public relations policies have been a corporate disaster. However, Jindal’s suggestion of foot-dragging by BP and/or the federal government is patently ridiculous. The company’s stock has plunged in value and President Obama is taking a beating in the polls because of his inability to dive into the Gulf and personally plug the leak. Remarkably, the President was criticized by many Republicans for strong-arming BP to put $20-billion into an escrow fund to compensate Gulf coast residents and businesses for their losses.

In recent days, much of the criticism of BP has focused on the bureaucratic snafus that have slowed the compensation process. One thing is for sure. When it comes to bureaucracy, Louisiana has very few, if any, short-term answers. A historical overload of too many layers of government has been the main contributor to the state’s current economic woes. Unfortunately, Jindal was absent from Baton Rouge while lawmakers wrestled with the problem during the recently concluded legislative session.

As Governor, his responsibilities “included” a frequent and visible presence at the site of the tragedy. But the job of Louisiana’s chief executive also requires his presence in the Capitol. The television cameras, however, were focused on the coastline. He could not resist a chance to redeem his image, which was badly damaged by a cartoonish speech delivered in response to President Obama’s 2009 State of the Union address. 

How much time Jindal has spent in Baton Rouge during the oil spill is a state secret. More than most past Louisiana Governors, he maintains a veil of secrecy around his official activities and travels. But for the time being at least, voters are getting to see his face on TV every night.

If all the national television exposure fails to revive Jindal’s national ambitions, his propensity for secrecy will make him a perfect candidate to head the CIA when the Republicans next take control of the White House.  

While on the subject of Gulf coast television face time, how about CNN’s Anderson Cooper? He has camped out at the scene of the disaster since it began. Not surprising. The same was true when he reported from Haiti following the devastating earthquake, and in New Orleans after Katrina.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/18/us/18cooper.html?th&emc=th

Among anchors, Cooper stands alone in his hands-on reporting from where news is breaking. The opportunity to be where the action is may be the reason that CNN is able to keep him on the payroll. He has received lucrative job offers from other networks. I doubt that money is an influencing factor. As the son of Gloria Vanderbilt, Cooper grew up with wealth.

In coming months, he may get a boost in ratings that are below what he deserves. Larry King announced yesterday that he will leave his nightly program in the fall. The ratings-poor King show is the lead-in to Anderson’s Cooper’s prime-time newscast.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/06/29/AR2010062904751.html?wpisrc=nl_headline

Larry King’s departure turns another page in CNN’s history. He probably should have followed me out the door ten years ago. Times were changing. Younger faces were appearing and the taste for fawning over celebrities was diminishing. Anyway, I hope the 76 year old veteran talk show host enjoys his sunset years. If his present wife fails her audition, Larry still has time to add a few more spouses to his alimony payroll.

In case anyone misses these missives for a few days, my blog posts will be absent until next Tuesday. I’m departing today for San Antonio to join thousands of anonymous folks in celebrating the 75th anniversary of an anonymous 12-step fellowship that save my life and salvaged the lives of millions of other people.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/29/opinion/29brooks.html?ref=opinion

Have a great holiday weekend!

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, is available at amazon.com and independent bookstores. It offers much more than $19.99 worth of laughs. The book is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) career.

CNN celebrated its 30 year anniversary this week—as out-of-dated now as Larry King’s suspenders. In the absence of catastrophes and significant breaking news, the granddaddy of cable news networks has become irrelevant in the eyes of viewers. I put “significant” in italics because the network regularly abuses the “Breaking News” banner by flashing it on the screen for insignificant events, a desperation measure to grab the viewers attention. Earlier this week, the Los Angeles Times published an insightful article about CNN’s decline.  

http://www.macon.com/2010/06/02/1147983/campbell-browns-exit-illustrates.html 

I spent a decade of my 30 year investigative reporting career—1989-2000—on CNN’s payroll in an era when I wore suspenders. In fact, a picture of me wearing suspenders on the cover of a national journalism magazine, inspired the network to recruit me as a the senior muckraker for a newly created investigative team. I’m uncertain whether it was the suspenders or the ego massage profile of my adventures that prompted CNN to come calling. Regardless, I have since donated my collection suspenders to the Salvation Army. So if you see shirtless wino trudging along with a pair holding up his trousers, they may have come from me.

Unfortunately, CNN has failed to shed its suspenders. Not only in the case of Larry King, but in most aspects of its programming. I don’t have answers to the networks dilemma. But I’m not in a minority of journalism observers in my belief that CNN has too many pundits and too few hard-edged reporters. Somewhere between Rick Sanchez’s clownish posturing as an informed newsman and my years ago boring investigative stories that were only understood by viewers interested enough to take notes is the kind of contemporary reporting that fulfills the sole purpose of journalism—revealing truth.

Achieving this result requires something more than creating conflict by having one politician say white and another say black. Nor is truth achieved by placing pundits with opposing views side by side. God knows (literally) that there needs to be a cable network that balances the Fox “News” propaganda, and the outright lies propogated by the network’s borderline lunatics. But thus far, CNN has not displayed the journalistic courage to go head-to-head with its chief competitor.

Larry King, bless his soul, has become an artifact. The only competition he is capable of winning is Trivial Pursuit. During  his 25 year CNN tenure, he has covered every subject known to man, including many topics that are unknown, nor is there need to make them known. But airing Larry’s show opposite Fox’s nutty Glenn Beck is the equivalent of asking a Senior citizen softball team to face the New York Yankees. Indeed, a recent New York Times article on Larry King’s 25 year anniversary landmark was more of eulogy than a celebration.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/27/business/media/27cnn.html?hpw

I was lucky to have spent my first five years with CNN during a heyday when it was unnecessary to clutter the screen with multiple images and graphics that often don’t make sense. Or worse yet are a distraction from the substance of information being reported. I realize that the Internet age has created the necessity of eyeball multi-tasking, but that is not an excuse for director’s booth stupidity.

A case in point is a recent Joe Sestak impromptu news conference on the steps of a Washington government building. Surrounded by reporters in a classic journalism gang-bang, there was plenty of visual action as he tried to anwer questions dealing with the controversy about a job offer as a reward for getting out of the Pennsylvania Democratic primary race for U.S. Senator. Midway through the Q&A, some programming genius decided to split the screen with archive video of Bill Clinton, the White House interloper in the Sestak controversy. Sestak was speaking, Clinton’s lips were flapping. A very strange image, but consistent with CNN’s often strange decisions.

There have been numerous decisions during CNN’s 30 years that have taken the network to its current state. Substantive investigative reporting has been abandoned for the most part. I don’t say that because CNN sent my ancient ass packing. I was past ready to go, especially when the network agreed to pay my salary and benefits for two years after I left. The genesis of my discomfort with CNN’s direction was its decision to air gavel-to-gavel coverage of the O.J. Simpson trial. As I write in Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, fear of being assigned to cover the trial prompted me to tell my boss a little white lie—at least by my definition.

CNN Special Assignment Executive Producer Pamela Hill had dropped hints that I might be sent to Los Angeles to do stories on the O.J. Simpson circus. So I quickly conjured ways to avoid the assignment. O.J. fear prompted me to propose a project titled Extremism Unchecked. I promised Pam to report “never before disclosed material,” hinting that I already had the material in my possession. 

When she excused me from O.J. duty, I launched an effort to find “never before disclosed material,” by firing off a self-serving letter to Dan Lasater (a Little Rock businessman caught up in the Whitewater investigation)  extolling my virtues as a fair-minded reporter. Lasater had been savaged unmercifully in (the Jerry Falwell promoted documentary) The Clinton Chronicles and had been target of numerous inaccurate stories in the mainstream media. Hence, he refused all interview requests. He believed that responding to the allegations only extended the misery.

As it turned out, I convinced Lasater to cooperate. After the ensuing story revealed that Lasater’s ties to Bill Clinton were casual at best, I became the target of attacks by right-wing publications. But what the hell? They spelled my name correctly. And from my bosses standpoint, stirring the pot was all the better. Pam Hill, of course, is long departed, as well as most others in our 50-member investigative unit. In fact, so have nearly all of CNN’s best reporters who were there when Ted Turner controlled an organization that placed a high priority on journalistic integrity. They have been replaced by the blonde generation, young reporters with short attention spans.

I’m the first to concede that the old ways don’t attract viewers anymore. But in the abandonment of suspenders, it would be nice if some vestiges of real journalism remained.

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, is available at amazon.com and independent bookstores. It offers much more than $19.99 worth of laughs. The book is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) career.

I must be cracking up. Or maybe my eyes and ears are deceiving me. Whatever the case, I thought Rick Sanchez asked some intelligent questions while interviewing militia gun nuts and anti-gun nuts during his afternoon CNN gig. I hesitate to call ”Rick’s List” a news show since it is more about him than the news.

My opinion of Rick’s journalistic skills has a history. Twenty-plus years ago, I received a telephone call from a close friend and former colleague during my tenure at south Florida’s then NBC affilate. “You have to see to believe our new anchor, Rick Sanchez. He is like a Saturday Night Live character,” according to the description.

My TV investigative reporting career had begun at the same station when the call letters were WCKT and I still have a soft spot in my psyche for the station. Indeed, I collected my first two Peabody medallions in Miami during the the investigative reporting heydays that followed the Watergate scandal. In 1983, seven years after I left Miami for Boston, WCKT became WSVN. The station lost its NBC affiliation after the owner, Ed Ansin, refused repeated offers to sell to a network.

Operating as an independent station prior to signing on as a Fox “News” affiliate in the mid-nineties, WSVN’s local news coverage became notorious for its blood, guts and sensationalism. It was, however, one of the nation’s most successful independents—in part, because of Rick Sanchez.

In 1984 at the age of 22, Sanchez became the youngest anchor in the Miami market. At WSVN, he developed a calculated on-air persona  of odd facial expressions, body language, and feigned empathy and/or outrage. For old traditionalists like me, he was a comical caricature of an honest-to-goodness newsman. But what the hell do I know. His age, style and Cuban heritage attracted viewers in South Florida.

After a stint at MSNBC and couple of local broadcast jobs, Sanchez was hired by CNN in 2004 for what seemed like a newly created position as a stuntman. His adventures included escaping underwater from a sinking car, wearing a stun belt that was triggered by a cop, and subjecting himself to waterboard torture. His reporter participation segments blurred the line between news and entertainment. But viewers—me included—were fascinated by this kind of stuff. Indeed, Comedy Channel’s Jon Stewart regularly shows Sanchez stunts, mainly because of Rick’s acting skills. Although the derring-do is performed in controlled circumstances, he is able portray a sense of panic that warns viewers, “Don’t try this at home.”

Anyway, given that Rick is so intent of being a performer, I’m always pleasantly surprised when he actually tries his hand at serious reporting. This week was one of those occasions. A large portion of “Rick’s List” was devoted to demonstrations in Washington,Virginia and elsewhere against gun control. The reasons are vague for organizing the protests on the 15 year anniversary of the bombing of the federal building in Oklahoma City. There is no pending gun control legislation in Congress, nor has President Obama indicated any plans to encroach on the 2nd Amendment. As a result, Sanchez asked the proper questions. Why are these people waving placards in the nation’s Capitol and strutting around a national park in Virginia with guns strapped to their sides like a bunch of old west cowboys?

One of the guests answered that Obama voted in favor of a gun control law as a state senator in Illinois. But he could offer no specifics about the vote. In my opinion, wearing holstered guns is like driving a big SUV. It makes little guys feel like big men. I base my belief on personal experience. While playing the role of “great white hunter” years ago in California in search of Bambi’s daddy, I  used to strap on a pistol—a snake gun, I said.  The only time the gun was fired at a snake, I missed. Nonetheless, there was a warm fuzzy feeling buckling on the gunbelt. I guess SUV’s are now adequate to compensate for my masculine inadequacies. I have two.

But back to Rick. I think the guy has talent. Though not as a reporter. He would, however, make a terrific Larry King. Larry is nearing his 25th CNN anniversary, which is about five years too many from the standpoint of  the quality of his show, its guests and the dwindling ratings. Besides, the old guy may slump over dead if he continues to marry and divorce younger women. Although slow-motion reruns of his death would temporarily improve ratings, CNN needs to consider the long haul. 

So in an effort to save the show and Larry alive long enough to use his nursing home insurance, CNN should give the 51 year old “kid” a few pair of suspenders and let him play journalist in front of a prime time audience.

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, is available at amazon.com and independent bookstores. It offers much more than $19.99 worth of laughs. It is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) career.