For people who run out of gas in Arizona while travelling to Disneyland, don’t feel disappointed. Indeed, you have arrived at one of the nation’s top amusement parks. And long walks to ride on over-priced rides and see corny exhibits are unnecessary. Simply check into the air conditioned comfort of a motel, turn on the TV set and watch Arizona politics in action.

As a reporter in Baton Rouge in the 1960’s and early seventies, I became accustomed to seeing wild-eyed polticians running through the corridors of Louisiana’s capitol building shouting “the blacks are coming, the blacks are coming.” The fear of school integration caused near hysteria in political chambers that had adopted laws years before prohibiting the transfusion of blood from African Americans to the state’s lilly-white citizens. At the local level, many municipalities had permanently closed public swimming pools, rather than allow blacks to mix with whites.

In 1969, I was on the founding Board of Directors of the Baton Rouge Press Club, which leased space from a downtown restaurant as the location of an after-hours bar—mainly as an accomodation for reporters working late to put the morning newspaper to bed. To the distress of our landlord, black  members were welcomed into our newly formed club. As a result, we were unceremoniously evicted.  Although attitudes have become marginally more moderate in Louisiana, the damage that was inflicted haunts the state today. It is particularly visible in public schools where white flight to outlying areas has left the elementary and secondary education systems in desperate condition, financially and in terms of classroom achievement.

Arizona is currently imitating the Louisiana of old, except its battle cry is “the Mexicans are coming, the Mexicans are coming. This is evident in the hysteria that gave momentum to the controversial immigration law, which was recently struck down by a federal court. No doubt, illegal immigration is a problem in border states. But attempting to override the protections of the U.S. Constitution is a folly equal to Louisiana’s effort to ignore decisions of the U.S. Supreme court. 

When viewing futility, I always try to look at the entertainment value of dumbness. That brings me to J.D. Hayworth, the radio show talk host and former Republican U.S. Representative. He is John McCain’s Tea Party-backed candidate in the GOP primary Senate race. Hayworth distinguished himself earlier this year by shouting, “the gays are coming, the gays are coming. And they are going to marry horses.”

I recognize my exaggeration in interpreting Hayworth’s fear of gay marriage—not his own nuptials, but for others seeking the privilege—but he has expressed concern that allowing same sex unions will pave the way for matrimony between men and horses. Hayworth didn’t cite any recent horse bridle (oops, I mean bridal) announcements of pending marriages.

The warning of horse-man weddings is only an extension of his cry that the “the Mexicans are coming.” In fact, he has returned to the theme by resuming his attacks on former President George W. Bush for failing to take a hardline approach against illegal immigrants. In high fallutin’ language, Hayworth said in effect that entire Bush family was too removed from the real world to understand the immigration issue. According to the Washington Post, Hayworth told a Baltimore radio talk show host that Bush “was dead wrong on the border” — then added that “the sad fact about the Bush family is this stubborn notion of noblesse oblige combined with verbal dyslexia.”

The McCain-Hayworth primary puts Sarah Palin in an awkward position. She supports all the far right causes advocated by Hayworth, who has the support of 14 Tea Party organizations. But as McCain’s former Vice Presidential running mate, Palin feels an obligation to support the old man even though he probably gags when hearing her name.

The former Alaskan Governor may be impressed by McCain’s stage magic. In a matter of a few months, he has transformed himself from moderate elder statesman  a right-wing loony. Nonetheless, Palin’s endorsement may not bode well for McCain. In addition to turning his 2008 Presidential aspirations from unlikely to impossible, she seems to be putting the kiss of death on other candidates.

Just across the western border from Arizona is another political amusement park featuring Palin-endorsed candidate, Sharron Angle. The Nevada GOP Senate nominee is the best thing that ever happened to incumbent Harry Reid. He has been resurrected from the politically dead by incantations of stupid statements that are regularly recited by Angle. I don’t know her position on man-horse marriages. However, my guess is that she opposes such weddings.

Then again, Nevada is faced with rounding up herds of wild horses that populate its wilds. Rather than euthanize the ponies, wouldn’t it be better to find spouses willing to “love, honor and obey” the animals? 

I’m certain Louisiana lawmakers are trying to keep up with its western imitators, but the best the state has to offer right now is encouraging cowboy shoot-outs in church sanctuaries.

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, is available at amazon.com and independent bookstores. It offers much more than $19.99 worth of laughs. The book is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) career.   

Right-wing nut J.D. Hayworth provides

For eight years, pundits made exaggerated complaints that George W. Bush was too dumb to be President. Remember Ronald  Reagan? And for two years, the same pundits complain that President Obama is too smart. Remember Bill Clinton? I ain’t got no fine college education, but I’m smart enough to recognize stupidity when it comes from the mouths of no-it-all political commentators, reporters and talk show hosts. 

In the latest stupid episode of the dumbing-down of America, an alleged “expert” on speech patterns characterized the President’s recent Oval Office speech about the Gulf oil spill as too complicated for the average television viewer to comprehend.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/06/17/obama-oil-spill-speech-cr_n_615796.html

I watched the President’s speech and understood every word he said. Didn’t go to the dictionary even once. Granted, I went a little bit beyond the 9.9 grade level that the “expert” claimed was required to understand the address. In fact, I’m the proud owner of a diploma from Tuscaloosa, Alabama Senior High School. Graduated in the top 80% of my class. Sadly, I couldn’t maintain the momentum during one semester at the University of Alabama, where I failed every course except ROTC. The school has a dumb rule requiring students to attend classes. A few years later, I attended disc jockey school for four semesters. However, spinning records only makes people dumber. Have you heard of Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and other ex-disc jockeys now make a living by drooling on microphones? 

Anyway, I rated Obama’s speech as okay—though unnecessary. I rate it much higher than saying, “Let’s bomb the hell out of Baghdad and give CNN some visual news to report.” The President did what President’s are supposed to do. He re-enforced his Administration’s commitment to assist people and businesses effected by the spill. Proof came the following day when he shook-down BP for $20-billion—”shake-down” being the decription given the escrow fund by a stupid GOP Congressman (told you I recognized stupid when I heard it). 

The fund will go a long way in diminishing some of the fears of Gulf coast folks whose lives have been put on hold.  It will also help keep the courts unclogged by thousands of lawsuits. Though painful to plaintiff lawyers deprived of their 40% contingency fees, providing an alternative to litigation will expedite the payment of claims.

Obama’s speech notwithstanding, he can say nothing, nor can he do anything at this point to satisfy his critics and/or the people suffering from the tragedy. I hope he regularly recites the Serenity Prayer. If you don’t know words, it’s time to move out of your cave.

Unfortunately, a sizeable segment of society avoids making independent judgments about solutions to ongoing catrastophes, controversial issues and political dilemmas. Too often they are willing to accept the judgments of idiots. I ask again, have you heard of Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, et al?

For most of my career in broadcasting, I worked with people better educated than me. As Senior Investigative Correspendent in CNN’s Special Assignment investigative unit, I was surrounded by reporters and producers with Ivy League diplomas and degrees from several prestigious universities. Earlier in my career, I spent five years an under-educated, redneck ex-drunk in charge of an investigative unit at a highly acclaimed local station in “Blue Blood” Boston. In these and other environments throughout my career, academic shortcomings caused me hang-ups. I compensated for the insecurities by reading everything I could get my hands on, developing a polysyballic vocabulary and a smart-ass attitude.  

My wife, who has two advanced degrees, has jokingly threatened to slap me (I think its a joke) if I repeat one more time, “I ain’t got no fine college education like you,” a phrase I frequently use when pontificating on some obscure topic I read about in books and magazines that are published for readers above the 9.9 grade level. I’ve subscribed to New Yorker for years. I read most articles and even profess to understand many of its cartoons. I hope that makes me seem sophisticated?  

I realize there are other smart-asses, who say I never needed to go beyond the 9.9 grade level. After all, I was a television reporter. Indeed, TV news is responsible for dumbing down America. Investigative reporting has all but disappeared from television. Too complicated. Therefore, most muckraking that is left falls into the category of superficial. In the latter days of my career, reporters were advised by so-called “news doctors” to make stories “viewer friendly.” 

Maybe the President should hire a “news doctor” so he can begin his speeches by saying, “Oil rig went boom, boom.”

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger, is available at amazon.com and independent bookstores. It offers much more than $19.99 worth of laughs. The book is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) career.