CNN devoted five minutes Wednesday morning to analyzing the moronic views on international affairs expressed by Texas Governor Rick Perry, the man hired by the Republican Party to bring comic relief to endless televised debates preceding the eventual coronation of an animated mannequin to oppose Barack Obama in the November elections.  CNN’s pundits were pondering Perry’s ignorant remarks about cutting off foreign aid to Turkey.

PERRY:

“When you have a country [Turkey] that is being ruled by what many would perceive to be Islamic terrorists, when you start seeing that type of activity against their own citizens, then yes, not only is it time for us to have a conversation about whether or not they belong to be in NATO, but it’s time for the United States, when we look at their foreign aid, to go to zero with it.”

The Washington Post fact checker described Perry’s comment as ”the most jaw-dropping statement” of the Monday night debate. The column explained:

The ruling party of Turkey is moderately Islamic, but it generally has not interfered with the country’s secular traditions. While Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton has prodded the leadership about its commitment to media freedoms, few analysts — if any — would say the Turkish leadership is made up of “Islamic terrorists.” We really have no idea what Perry is talking about.

Nor does Rick Perry. Turkey is wealthy country and the relatively small amount of U.S. aid it receives falls into the category of military public relations money. Anyway, the long-winded CNN discussion about Perry’s comment begs the question, ”Who gives a shit what he thinks about U.S. foreign policy?”

Or anything else relating to national policies. Oh, I forgot. Louisiana Governor Bobby (Smarty Pants) cares—allegedly. But I have a theory about Governor Smarty Pants supporting Perry until the Texan returns to Austin to sign more death row warrants. It’s Jindal’s warped sense of humor.

Movie plot cliches regularly feature smart guys snickering behind the backs of lesser brain-endowed foils, who don’t realize how dumb they are. Dinner for Schmucks is the most recent example. The usual punchline is the dumb guy outsmarts the jokester. That will not happen with Perry.

Ivy League educated Rhodes Scholar Jindal can entertain friends for years to come with anecdotes of how he help convince Perry to run for President. Smarty Pants may get his comeuppance if he falls for the joke of pill-popping Rush Limbaugh, who consistently praises my state’s television camera-stalking Governor as a future candidate for President. “Of what,” I ask.  

Not surprisingly, the national news media has also fallen for the Jindal hoax—especially cable news networks. Why not? For months, the so-called mainstream media has treated Perry like a serious candidate. The same is true with Congressman Ron Paul, the crazy uncle who spouts the Ayn Rand philosophy of every man for himself or woman for herself.

Rick Perry and Ron Paul have as much chance of being elected President in 2012 as some crazy preacher ranting on a French Quarter street corner in New Orleans. Go away. Please! Join Sarah Palin for some kind of crazy political menage a trois. Fox News, aka the Republican Propaganda Network, would pay big bucks for the rights.

Come to think of it, so would CNN. In the years since I left the granddaddy of cable news, the network has descended to a level only slightly above its rival. But I don’t want to sound like a cynic. There is good news to report.

In the unlikely event that mannequin Mitt is elected President, everybody earning below his poverty line of $362,000 a year—”the not very much” income Romney derived from his 2010 speaker fees—may be declared eligbile for welfare and food stamp assistance.

Every little bit helps, so send me an application.

My memoir, Odyssey of a Derelict Gunslinger: A Saga of Exposing TV Preachers, Corrupt Politicians, Right-Wing Lunatics…and Me is available at amazon.com, soft-cover or Kindle and at independent bookstores like the Cottonwood in Baton Rouge. It offers $19.99 worth of laughs and much more. The book is an account of my illustrious (I choose the adjectives) investigative reporting career. jblisscamp@aol.com.